you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
