Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
