I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
