barbara walters just said penis...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
