smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
