you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
