I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
