i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
