I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
