I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
