Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
