I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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