Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
NoShamevember. You game?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
