the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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