Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
