He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
