Don't you send me to vm
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
vagina is talking i cant
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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