he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
