yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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