i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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