so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
