Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
