i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
