you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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