FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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