i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
