He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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