Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
