Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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