so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
