I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
