Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
