If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
