I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
