Don't you send me to vm
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
