after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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