Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The beer is more important than you right now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
