Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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