Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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