WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
