I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
