Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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