I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
