I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
