how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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