what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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