I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
