The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
