no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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