i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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