After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
