So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
