I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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