I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
