just tell him i said nine months
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
